The Opposite of Love Isn't Hate: It's Indifference

I'll never forget something a colleague, Kak N, told me when I was just sweet 17, working my first "real world" job. She put it so simply:

"Kata lawan bagi sayang bukan benci. Tapi tak kisah,"

That simple sentence has stayed with me all these years, completely changing how I view relationships. And today, I want to tell you why.

We often hear that arguments are a bad thing, that fighting always means you hate each other.

Wrong.

Kak N's words echoed a deeper truth: the opposite of love isn't hate, but rather indifference or apathy; not caring, not even bothering to be angry.

Put it this way. Hate, in a weird way, is still a form of engagement. It requires energy, attention, emotional investment. Indifference, on the other hand, is a void. It's the absence of feeling, which can be even more painful than negative feelings. It's like a silent treatment that stretches on forever.

You might passionately argue with someone you love, even if those arguments get heated. But if you stop caring altogether, if you become indifferent to their actions and words, that's often a sign the relationship is truly over. You no longer have the motivation to engage, even negatively. You've checked out.

So, while hate and love are often seen as polar opposites, the absence of love is more accurately described by indifference. It's a powerful concept because it emphasizes the importance of emotional connection, even when that connection is expressed through conflict. A good argument, a passionate argument, can actually be a sign that you still care. It means you're still invested enough to fight for what you believe in, for what you want the relationship to be. You're both still trying.

But what happens when the arguments stop? What happens when you just... don't care anymore? That's where the real danger lies. That's when the silence becomes deafening, and the relationship slowly withers and dies. It's not the explosive fights that kill relationships; it's the quiet indifference that follows when no one bothers to fight anymore. It's the slow fade into "tak kisah" – not caring. And that, as Kak N taught me, is the true opposite of love. It's not fireworks, it's not even fire.

It's just... nothing.

And nothing, in a relationship, is the most devastating thing of all. 💔