The Bare Minimum Dad: When "Helping Out" Feels Like a Favor

Okay, kita nak rant 😡. Let's talk about this "bare minimum dad" thing-y. You know, the stereotype where dads are all "helping" around the house by doing the dishes once a week and getting praised like they've climbed Mount Everest?

Like, if my husband bangun tengah malam, buat susu 👨🏻‍🍼, changes a diaper (someday, InsyaAllah) and I'm supposed to be blown away? 🤯 Excusez-moi? 

Newsflash: He's a parent. It's his kid too! 

We need to stop praising dads for doing the absolute bare minimum. It's like we're setting the bar so low, it's practically underground. 🕳️

Let's be real. Parenting is a team sport. Or at least, it should be. But sometimes, it feels more like a one-woman show.

You know the drill:

• Mom is the default parent. Need a diaper change? Mom. Need someone to soothe a tantrum? Mom. Need someone to pack the lunchbox? 🍱 Mom. Arrange kids timetable? Mom. Mom. Mom. Mom.
• Dad is the "helper." He's the "fun" parent, the one who shows up for playtime after a long day at work. He's the "babysitter" when Mom needs a break (which, let's be honest, is basically always).
• "Helping out" is a phrase that makes my blood boil. Birkin panas. It implies that childcare is her responsibility, and he's just doing her a favor by occasionally stepping in. 😒 Siyes ar?

Moms are expected to be magicians. ✨ Juggling work and kiddos, super mom, domestic goddess, (a wh*re in bed, 🙄 eh tibber), and somehow still need to look like they stepped out of a magazine.  

While Dads?

🦸🏻‍♂️ Survive a day with the kids? Hero!

🏆 Do the dishes and laundry? Legend! 

🛝 Actually bring and play with the kids at the playground setahun sekali? Wow, terpaling mithali!

To cut the story short, thanks to patriarchy and other 1001 reasons, we've created a society where women are expected to be everything. While men... well, they just a sperm donor exist~

This isn't about blaming dads eh. It's about acknowledging a systemic issue. This needs to change.

The "Bare Minimum-Dad" is a real thing. He's the one who proudly sports his dad bod, a symbol of his "freedom" from the constraints of fatherhood. He's the one who comes home from work and expects to be waited on hand and foot. He's the one who sees parenting as a hobby 🎮, not a responsibility.

For context, "Bare-minimum Dad" refers to a type of father who:

1. Prioritizes leisure over active parenting: He may let his physical fitness decline after having children, viewing it as a sign of freedom from the demands of parenthood.
2. Expects domestic labor to be primarily the mother's responsibility: He may come home from work expecting to be served and not actively participate in household chores 🧹 or childcare.
3. Views parenting as a secondary role: He may see parenting as a fun pastime or a hobby, rather than a core responsibility that requires consistent effort and dedication.

Essentially, again, it describes a father who, while biologically present, does not fully embrace the active and involved role that modern parenting often demands.

Of course this isn't about being a stay-at-home dad vs. a working dad 💼. It's about shared responsibility. It's about recognizing that raising children is a 24/7 job, not a 9-to-5 gig.

The main things are:

• Kids need both parents. They need their fathers to be actively involved in their lives, not just present. They need to see their fathers as role models, as nurturers, as equals.
• Moms need support. They need partners, not roommates. They need help, not praise for "doing it all."
• Dads need to step up. It's not about "helping out." It's about being a partner in parenting.

So, how do we break this 🔄 cycle?

• Start early. Talk to your sons about gender roles. Teach them that caring for others is a strength  💪🏻, not a weakness.
• Lead by example. If you're a dad, be an active participant in your children's lives. Change diapers, cook dinner, help with homework.
• Challenge societal norms. Call out sexism when you see it. Advocate for equal parental leave.
• Most importantly, have open and honest conversations. Talk to your partner about your expectations and concerns. 

Parenting is hard. It's messy. It's exhausting. But it's also the most rewarding thing you'll ever do ❤️. Let's make it a team effort, not a one-woman show. Let's raise a generation of children who know that both parents are equally important, and that "helping out" is not a favor, it's a responsibility.

P.S. Let's raise the bar. Let's expect more from everyone. No more "helping." It's called "parenting."