Mommy Confessions:Paranoia

Been staying in my mom house for more than 4 days now as no one at home, obviously. But since the first night I've been here, susah sungguh nak tidur. Why? Sebab baby Adam lah! No, it's not that I'm angry with him or what. The truth is, I can't sleep because takut nyamuk, semut, lipas or any other insect gigit Adam. (x_____X)" Well, bukan my own house tak ada those insect; but at least I'm the one who clean and put this organic insecticide here and there so, lebih yakin dengan ketidakberadaan benda-benda jahat ini and obviously susah nak nampak insect except semut dekat area dapur.

     Last time, my mom said that I'm being too paranoid, worry wart. To make the story short, Adam demam [well, not actually demam but slightly panas]. What happen is I quickly brought him to Hosp. Sultan Ismail JB Emergency dept.; my tears just can't stop falling masa drive from home to hospital worry that something bad will happen to my baby. In the end, nothing. Tak demam pun. That time doktor ask me bila I ambil temp. dia, then I said this morning before mandi. Then he laugh and say kenapa tak ambil temp. after mandi because my son panas, dia nak mandi bukan demam. Hah betul lah, pandai gila doktor tu understand my baby "rugrats" kan.
     Last month, berat badan my son increase dramatically and macam biasalah baby BF and sihat, sweating kalau pakai bedung and macam ada ruam-ruam sikit. Dengan perasaan yang panik something will happen, macam viral or what, I quickly brought him to nearest clinic. Well, you can guess what happen. Doctor said, semua OK. OK. OK. everything is fine.
    Did I say Baby Adam kena prolonged jaundice? Which I already expect as Adam lahir too early. That is the worst experience I've ever had. 4 days after Baby Adam lahir, kena tahan ward, kena phototheraphy. I can't sleep. Watching him under treatment lampu really torn my heart to pieces, seriously make me cry setiap masa. Honestly at that time, Lin super afraid I will losing him for second time. Yup second time, yang first time happen on his early weeks dulu. [Well, cuma dgn ingat and writing bout this wanna make me cry bila ingat Adam's condition at that time]. OK, fullstop. Tak nak cerita panjang lagi. Yang penting, syukur sangat sekarang Baby Adam sihat ya amat! Alhamdulillah. A week after Adam discharged, I just can't stop myself to hold Adam Adam 24/7. Once again, my parent said, "spoil nanti budak tu" which I believe that's why sekarang ni Baby Adam tak nak tidur kalau his ibu tak dodoi-dodoi sampai tercabut tangan. Hahaha. Tak kisahlah sayang, as long as you happy and healthy. I don't mind. I want to give him everything. everything yang terbaik. It's not that Adam yang have to be thankful to me for being your mom and else, but it's me yang really have to berterima kasih to you sebab gives me a chance to be a good mom, InsyaAllah.
     Sekarang Happy baby Adam just can't stop laughing and smiling and kicking and playing and er, pooping. Alhamdulillah. Alhamdulillah. Alhamdulillah. OK. Tak tahulah apalah si hobo ni emosi dan membebel panjang. Till then, salam.